


The Meaning of a Kiss

by latecamellia (caramarie)



Series: Mirrored Lives [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - ATEEZ Music Videos, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26420074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramarie/pseuds/latecamellia
Summary: Yunho has to decide what to tell Hongjoong about his interactions with his doppelganger.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong
Series: Mirrored Lives [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1920370
Kudos: 15





	The Meaning of a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This directly follows on from my fic [You (Are Not) Separate from Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26101108) (and won’t make much sense without it, sorry!)

When was the right time to tell someone you loved them?

It had been such a long day, and Yunho had already been dragged through the wringer emotionally. The thought, then, of making a confession – it was too much. And should he be making a confession because the other Hongjoong had told him to anyway? The Hongjoong Yunho had kissed, less in hope than desperation. As if the kiss could have broken some spell Hongjoong was under.

Yunho thought about the kiss that night, and he told his own Hongjoong nothing.

* * *

‘What made you realise it wasn’t me?’ Hongjoong asked. It was a casual question, and Hongjoong asked it openly, at the breakfast table.

Yunho’s mind went blank, there with everyone’s attention on him. All he could think of was Hongjoong’s lips under his. Not the Hongjoong who was looking at him now with simple curiosity; the other Hongjoong.

‘You were acting weird,’ Yunho said at last. He saw something flicker over Hongjoong’s face, and realised what he’d said. ‘I mean, he was acting weird. After we got separated.’

‘Not till then, huh?’

Yunho felt hurt flare in his chest. It wasn’t fair, he knew. If Hongjoong was upset that they hadn’t realised in the preceding weeks, that was entirely justified.

‘It’s scary to think he was with us so long,’ San said, without regard to what had passed between Yunho and Hongjoong.

‘I think even from the start, he didn’t want to hurt us,’ Seonghwa said, ‘or he could have done worse.’

‘He might’ve been scared to,’ Jongho said. ‘We don’t know what happens when your counterpart dies.’

Seonghwa winced.

‘I don’t think that’s it,’ Yunho said. ‘I think Seonghwa is right. He didn’t want to hurt us.’

He’d tried to think back and work out when the switch had happened – which evening was it when Hongjoong had left them, and it was the imposter who had come back? Yunho should have been able to look back and see the difference, but nothing stood out. Every morning seemed like any other morning.

‘They weren’t bad to me, while I was over there,’ Hongjoong said. Softly, as if he were talking to himself. ‘It sounds like Wooyoung had it worse.’

‘That wasn’t even one day though,’ Wooyoung said. ‘It’s not the same thing.’

Hongjoong had been gone for weeks, and they hadn’t known to look for him. The shame of that was on them more than on their doppelgangers who had planned it.

How could Yunho say he loved Hongjoong, after that? It didn’t matter how much they shared with their counterparts.

‘We should have realised sooner,’ Seonghwa said. ‘That’s on us.’

There was a pause before Hongjoong answered. ‘Maybe it’s better this way,’ he said. He looked unsure, eyes soft like flowers. ‘If you’d come sooner, it would have just been a fight. Things turned out pretty well, considering.’

He was trying so hard, Yunho thought, not to take it badly. Yunho couldn’t call him out on that – not when he was doing it for their sake. But he wanted to tell him he didn’t have to. He should have the right to be angry, if he were angry, to be hurt if he were hurt.

But Yunho knew why he couldn’t show that, so he held his tongue.

* * *

They spent the day in the library, doing research. It was a large library, with a lot of books on magical theory that all seemed horribly obtuse to Yunho. He tried to pick out what might be relevant, but all the books seemed so old. There was nothing written post-cataclysm, and the theories on portal magic were more hypothetical than evidential. Had the house’s owner been caught up in one of the early disappearances? Had the house been abandoned for some other reason? If they explored it properly, maybe they could find some explanation. But that wasn’t the priority.

In the afternoon, Yunho took a break. He asked if anyone wanted to check out the garden with him – San said, ‘You know it’s creepy?’ but Hongjoong said he would go.

‘I’ve been stuck inside for so long,’ Hongjoong said, as they left. The nature of the doors meant they could go directly from the library into the humidity of the garden. ‘This is still in the building, right?’ He looked up toward the distant ceiling. ‘It’s hard to tell.’

‘Yeah,’ Yunho said. ‘I don’t know how they managed it.’

‘The old magic was pretty impressive, huh?’

The garden was still as they walked through it – no wind to rustle the leaves, no insects to stir the air. It was strange, how the garden had the appearance of wildness, and yet there was no noise, no movement. The only sound was their footsteps.

‘Do you think there’s actually anything we can do?’ Yunho said. ‘I feel like before we knew what we were doing …’

‘I know we can’t stop trying,’ Hongjoong said. ‘Otherwise we may as well just sit down and wait to disappear ourselves.’

Yunho felt Hongjoong look at him then. He met his eyes warily.

‘You know,’ he said, ‘if you need to be mad, you can be mad at me.’

‘I’m not mad,’ Hongjoong said.

Yunho ducked out the way of a branch; he couldn’t keep holding Hongjoong’s gaze. Hongjoong hid a smile.

‘It was mostly boring,’ he said. ‘They wouldn’t talk to me, apart from Mingi.’

‘Oh?’ Yunho tried to imagine what he would have done, if they’d kept the other Hongjoong as a prisoner. He probably would have avoided him, he thought. Because it was too weird.

‘Mind you, that didn’t stop their Yeosang from talking to Wooyoung, so I guess he just likes Wooyoung better than me.’

Yunho laughed, despite himself. Hongjoong bumped their shoulders together, and smiled at him. ‘I missed you,’ he said.

Yunho’s heart felt like a bird, fluttering in his chest. He thought about what the other Hongjoong had said to him. He couldn’t say, in good conscience, _I missed you too_ , not when his obliviousness had made that a lie.

‘I’m sorry the other Yunho didn’t talk to you,’ he said instead. He didn’t know where the words came from; Hongjoong thought it was funny, though, and he laughed.

‘I wasn’t going to hold that against you,’ he said. Yunho flashed him a relieved grin. Still, his brain kept repeating the other Hongjoong’s words to him.

_If you love him, you should tell him._

How had he even worked that much out from one kiss?

Yunho slowed down, and Hongjoong came to a stop beside him.

‘Is there something else?’ Hongjoong asked.

‘When I realised it wasn’t you,’ Yunho said, ‘I really wanted to be wrong.’ His voice cracked. ‘I hate that he fooled me.’

‘You know I’m not going to hold that against you either.’

Yunho looked at the ground. The leaf litter was pressed down firmly, like it had been walked over a hundred times. But they were the only ones there.

‘He said …’

Hongjoong waited.

‘... I should tell you …’

It started to rain.

How could it rain? Yunho stared at the droplets that darkened the leaves, uncomprehending.

‘I guess it’s a kind of sprinkler system?’ Hongjoong said, looking up toward the ceiling. The rain fell evenly throughout the garden. ‘I guess I shouldn’t have said I wanted to go outside.’

Yunho couldn’t make himself smile, and Hongjoong’s gaze settled back on him.

‘What did you want to tell me?’ he asked. He stood there solidly, like he could wait in the rain forever.

‘I kissed him,’ Yunho said.

‘What?’

‘I knew then, that it wasn’t you, but he wasn’t going to admit it unless I made him. So I tricked him. I’m sorry.’

‘You’re sorry you …’ Hongjoong mouthed the word _kiss_ , and then he said, ‘What?’ again.

It wasn’t what Yunho had meant to say. It wasn’t what the other Hongjoong had meant for him to say. Unless the other Hongjoong had just been trying to trick him into ruining their relationship, which he supposed was a possibility. It could have been his revenge.

Except that Yunho remembered what kissing him had felt like.

‘I’m sorry I kissed him and not you,’ he said.

‘Okay,’ Hongjoong said, his voice high like he was about to freak out. They were still getting rained on.

Yunho looked back the way they’d come. ‘We should go back inside,’ he said. The door had disappeared in amongst the foliage – maybe they’d make their way back and find it had disappeared altogether, and they’d be stuck in this awkward moment forever.

‘You’re gonna tell me that and then –’ Hongjoong squinted at him – ‘tell me to go back inside?’

‘I’m not _telling_ you anything, I just … it’s wet.’

‘Uh-huh.’ Hongjoong didn’t seem like he was going to move. ‘Yunho. Look at me.’

Reluctantly, Yunho obeyed. He didn’t want to see Hongjoong looking at him apologetically, or with pity, or with anything that made him feel more like an idiot –

Except that looking at Hongjoong wasn’t like that.

The rain was in his hair, and his eyes were dark and intent, and he looked at Yunho like no-one had ever looked at him before.

‘You could kiss me now,’ Hongjoong said. He kept his voice light, like he didn’t expect Yunho to follow through.

Hesitantly, Yunho touched a hand to Hongjoong’s cheek. And Hongjoong’s eyes went so soft and fond that how could Yunho not kiss him?

It was completely different from last time. Because this was his Hongjoong. It was the Hongjoong he’d fought beside all this time, whom he’d known longer than anyone, loved almost as long. Even if that had meant something different at different times; it meant something different now.

Hongjoong put his arms around Yunho’s neck, and he kissed him back. And maybe Yunho had barely had the sense to know his absence, but he couldn’t doubt that Hongjoong had missed him. Hongjoong had missed him, and the other Hongjoong had _not_ led Yunho astray.

He must, Yunho realised, have been missing his Yunho too.

And when they stopped to catch their breath, Hongjoong’s arms still hung around Yunho’s neck, Yunho said, ‘Don’t ever go away from me again.’

Hongjoong, wordless, nodded.

They were both well rained on, but Yunho didn’t mind at all.


End file.
